When we are dealing with an uncooperative child we often hear feeble excuses, or one of the many versions of 'Why should I?'. This is particularly true of teenagers. It can be frustrating and counter-productive.
Lisa, Elanor, and Adam discuss how to avoid this kind of power struggle and reduce stand-offs and negative feelings. We unpack one of the parent-traps: how as parents we sometimes try withholding approval until our child acts in the way we want, but they won't do that while they feel the pressure and resist it.
The answer is to take up the hidden message in their opposition: 'You change and I'll change!' We are the adults. If we make the right changes our children will respond in the way we want. By changing our ways first, we are taking the lead in finding the right solution. If we change what we are doing and saying, it creates the opportunity for our child to choose a better response.
At first this may seem to be surrendering control. But look at the opposite approach: If we say "let's keep putting our child back into the same situation that led to the problem and expect them to act differently" we can easily see that is not going to work!
Perhaps now providing a change of opportunity to help our child make better choices makes a lot more sense?
If you find yourself getting annoyed with your children because they don't co-operate or you worry about why they shout when they are frustrated this is the workshop for you! We will discuss how changing the way you communicate your feelings and needs to your children can help you achieve the outcomes you want, without raising your voice, and without losing your authority. We sometimes call it 'finding soft ways to say hard things.'
Join the group, listen to the discussion, share your views, and ask your questions.
